There are many useful things to understand about conflict. A first one is that conflict is going to happen in any love relationship. There are some good ways to deal with conflict and a lot of bad ways.
There are many unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. Attacking your mate is obviously one of the bad ways. You can attack your partner verbally or non-verbally. Shouting or screaming, mocking them or treating them with disdain are some of the biggest relationship killers.
There are a few things you can do that are healthy when conflict arises. One of the first things you can do is take a breath. Breathe. This will help you to notice that we all often revert to the emotional age of 7 year old's during conflict.
Notice while breathing that conflict causes crappy conduct. People yell, scream, throw things, withdraw behind a wall of silence, hate on their mates. You don't need to take it too personally. It isn't personal, it is just adults being frustrated and acting like kids. Try not to take it personally.
One powerful thing you can do is to keep the argument from getting too heated. Disarm and de-escalate it. You might say that you need some time to get yourself under control, then leave the room for a few minutes. When you come back, you will both be likely to talk in a more civil manner.
Research has shown that another important thing to do with conflict is not to withdraw affection. If you argue, don't then withhold affection for a day or two as a way to punish your partner. This creates lasting damage.
Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don't wait days to talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don't think it was your fault, reconnect. Say "sorry we fought, are you okay?" Do not let the anger between you linger.
Dealing well with conflict takes practice and time to learn. But it is well worth it. You're going to argue, the question is can you do so in a way that doesn't kill off your relationship over time.
There are many unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. Attacking your mate is obviously one of the bad ways. You can attack your partner verbally or non-verbally. Shouting or screaming, mocking them or treating them with disdain are some of the biggest relationship killers.
There are a few things you can do that are healthy when conflict arises. One of the first things you can do is take a breath. Breathe. This will help you to notice that we all often revert to the emotional age of 7 year old's during conflict.
Notice while breathing that conflict causes crappy conduct. People yell, scream, throw things, withdraw behind a wall of silence, hate on their mates. You don't need to take it too personally. It isn't personal, it is just adults being frustrated and acting like kids. Try not to take it personally.
One powerful thing you can do is to keep the argument from getting too heated. Disarm and de-escalate it. You might say that you need some time to get yourself under control, then leave the room for a few minutes. When you come back, you will both be likely to talk in a more civil manner.
Research has shown that another important thing to do with conflict is not to withdraw affection. If you argue, don't then withhold affection for a day or two as a way to punish your partner. This creates lasting damage.
Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don't wait days to talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don't think it was your fault, reconnect. Say "sorry we fought, are you okay?" Do not let the anger between you linger.
Dealing well with conflict takes practice and time to learn. But it is well worth it. You're going to argue, the question is can you do so in a way that doesn't kill off your relationship over time.
About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Relationship Insights Your Mamma Never Taught You at Help With Relationships . Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Love Relationship Help Quotes.
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